once more to the lake

1.       I felt the introduction was too much in length and was very wordy. The descriptions in his introduction made me not want to read the rest of the essay as I felt this wordiness would continue throughout the story.

2.       The writer did focus on one significant event, but he kept referring to past events that confused me throughout the story. I felt he put in too many details to make this event be completely significant.

3.       The descriptions of the characters do help them to feel alive and make me feel as I am there with him. I felt the author needs to keep these descriptions in the story to add character.

4.       The writer did quote some speech and dialogue.

5.       I felt the writer included too many details of the event to make it easy for me to relate to. I found it difficult to follow along with the reader, and many of the sentences seemed to be run on sentences. The sentence structure had little to no variance which also made it difficult for me to read.

6.       I felt the writer did explain why he had everyone in the story and that each character played a significant part of the story.

7.       The conclusion seemed out of place for me, but did tie up the story about him taking a camping trip with his son.  

Me Talk Pretty One Day

1.       Introduction-The intro grabbed my attention. His age and going back to school intrigued me to find out more about his adventure and why he chose to go back to school.  

2.       The writer did a great job at focusing on significant event’s. He did include dialogue to help strengthen the events. He picked a specific time in his life to talk about, and included some background information to help us know more about his story.

3.       I like his descriptions of his teachers and the fear that his classmates felt around her. It made me feel like I was there in the classroom watching the teacher make fools of her students.

4.       The writer used quotations in a great way to give character to the people in the story. I liked his use of dialogue with the teacher and how he went in and out of English and his version of French language. He would use English when he understood the word which helped the reader to know what he did and didn’t understand.

5.       I’ve never been to France, but if I go, I will remember some of the descriptions that the Sedaris gives in his narrative. I can relate though to being in an unfamiliar place and I felt that Sedaris story reminded me of times when I was the “new kid”

6.       Every person in his story is significant and needs to be there. I felt that by including the descriptions of the different students in the classroom that it helped to show the struggle they were having with learning the language.

7.       The conclusion is great in that it sums up what has happened with the story and shows that Sedaris can now finally understand the language. He states that though he can’t necessarily speak it, he now feels comfortable in listening to others speak the language. 

Sentence Variety

Sam drove to the mall in her car to go to the shoe store. She bought a pair of boots and a shoe shine kit. Sam then went to the food court where she bought and ate a burrito that had onions and peppers on it. She saw a cute boy at the pretzel stand that looked at Sam and made her blush. The boy walked over to Sam. When Sam said hi, the boy wrinkled up his nose and made Sam confused. Sam said hi again and the boy gagged and walked away. Sam was shocked. When she realized she had bad breath, Sam ran to the bathroom. In the bathroom, she shined and put on her new boots. She walked out the bathroom confident. She found the boy, told him he needed manners, and kicked him using her new boots. The boy fell to the ground and Sam walked away and out of the mall. 

mechanics

When writing, I often tend to let my mind get way ahead of either my pen or typing hands. I’ve always been told that my mind goes 90 miles a minute. For some reason I feel that I need to get every thought and detail out as quickly as possible and don’t  always take the time to really think about what I am writing. I would have to say that as far as a weakness goes I think this goes along with organizing topics in a flowing motion. I do tend to jump around from topic to topic at times, especially when writing a narrative to recall events. I will write a sentence and then jump to a different topic based on the previous sentence. As I write I need to be more aware of the topic I am writing about and trying to get the thoughts out that pertain to that topic. I then need to find a way to transition to the next topic so that I am not jumping back and forth.

For my strength I would say that I am good at omitting useless words and knowing when to have a paragraph break. I feel that I am strong at writing sentences that help keep the paragraphs flowing and keep them from seeming to be too choppy. 

summary revision checklist

1. What is the thesis statement? Is it an accurate reflection of the author’s thesis

statement? Is it stated in your own words? How could you refine it to be more clear

and concise?

The thesis statement is the struggles that college students have with classes they have little to no interest in or find the material difficult to understand. I felt that it was a accurate reflection on what Thurber was trying to discuss when writing about his college experience and the classes he found difficult to pass. I could possibly choose to include more about grade levels or if they are new or current students to show if the amount of struggles vary with grade level. 

2. How is the essay introduced? Do you mention the article’s title, author, purpose and

audience? Does it clearly set the tone for the paper and accurately reflect what is

discussed therein? Could it be improved?

I introduced the essay with the author and title of the original essay by Thurbor. I felt that I clearly set the tone in that the paper would discuss why some students may struggle with classes. 

3. What are the main points of the summary? How do you recognize them? Do you

leave out minor points and repetitive points for emphasis? Most importantly, do you

leave out your own opinion, feelings or conclusions on the subject of the artIicle?

I based the main points on the story on the information that Thurber provided in his essay and discussed why he struggled with each of his classes. I left out my opinion, and only restated what the original essay said as to why each class was a struggle. 

4. How is the essay organized? Does it follow the organization of the original article?

What transitions do you use? Think of some additional possibilities for more logical

organization.

I organized the essay by following along in the original essay with each class that Thurber describes. I used transition words such as furthermore and in addition to, as well as having the last sentence of a paragraph lead into the topic of the next paragraph. I could use more transition words in future papers to help keep the paper organized.

5. After your reading, can you say the thesis statement accurately reflects the topic and

focus of the essay? How is the essay concluded? What technique do you employ in

the conclusion? How is that effective or not?

I concluded the essay by going back and reflecting on the opening paragraph as well as the thesis. I felt that the thesis was a good reflection of the original essay and helped to show what Thurber was trying to portray in his essay. I summarized my main thoughts in the conclusion to help wrap up the ideas that I spoke of for the reader. 

6. Make sure to fix any major grammar, spelling, or punctuation errors.

Re-read the essay, did a spelling and grammar check. Also had my aunt read the essay. She enjoys reading papers and is great at catching spelling and grammatical errors. 

7. Is the sentence structure varied and interesting? Do you have any weak, overly

wordy, awkward, or confusing sentences? Does the essay strive to use active, direct,

present tense verbs?

I felt that I used correct sentence structure and a large vocabulary to give the essay variety and clarity. I feel that the readers will be able to easily read and follow along with the essay and clearly understand the message that I am trying to portray. 

8. Were the textual passages (quotes and paraphrases) well-chosen? Remember you

should try avoiding direct quotations when writing a summary.

I quoted a few choice words but left out any large direct quotes for the summary. I mainly restated in my own words what Thurber was writing. 

9. Is the essay written in third-person? Are all instances of first- and second-person

removed from the piece? Yes it is in third person with none of my own opinions. 

10. Is the draft two to three (2-3) pages typed, double-spaced? Are all the margins oneinch

(1”)? The draft was almost 3 pages long. It followed the paragraphing and margin guidelines as well. 

College Pressures

College for me has been quite the journey. I started college the semester after graduating high school. I did consider taking time off in between high school and college but felt that I needed to just dive right in. My first semester of college was a great experience but I did have some struggles. I was pregnant with my daughter at the time. The pregnancy, an unexpected one, left me with many days of being sick and struggling to find the energy to goto class and do homework. I was also working a full time job on top of going to school. I had my daughter in February of 2008, just a few weeks into my second semester of college. Being a new mom and going to school was quite the experience. My teachers however were great and willing to work with me to keep up on the assignments. My mom and my boyfriend also were great help with taking care of Shelby so I could goto class and keep up on homework. Each semester following were also a challenge. I went back to work 6 weeks after having Shelby, but decided to do part time while school was in session. During the summer I took online classes and worked more so that I could save up to pay for bills during the school year. I am fortunate in that I qualified for government grants and also had quite a few scholarships. I prepared myself in high school so that I would be able to goto college and hopefully not have to pay for it. I also chose to live at home for my first two years in college and save on having to pay rent. My parents were amazing in letting  Shelby and I live with them and help me in raising her.
Once I started nursing school I decided it was time to move out on my own. It has been quite different having my own place and not having my mom there to help with everything. I have a great boyfriend who is very helpful in watching the kids so I can do schoolwork. I had my son in November of 2010 during my second semester of nursing school. Second semester seems to be the most challenging semester of nursing school for most students and I just happened to plan having a baby during the time. It was difficult, but I definitely wouldn't trade my kids or the experience for anything.
As I get closer to graduating in December I do quite a bit of reflecting on my college experience. There are some things I would've done different had a known what I know now, but I don't have any regrets. I feel I've done the best I can with the circumstances that I have faced. I owe much of my success to both mine and my boyfriends family in helping us with our kids so that I could have the opportunity to go to nursing school.